As I Move Towards Heaven...

...hell is still nipping at my heels.

I will be free from it soon. I bought my plane ticket today. The joy of fully seeing my nomadic dream unfold was compromised by an evil cashier at the local ValuSave market. I just wanted to purchase a bag of oranges. I got the bag of oranges, but I lost something else. Something much more important. My self-respect.

As I was paying for my sun-kissed orange delights, the cashier pulled a heist on me. Not a heist in the traditional team of hoodlums carrying out a previously determined plan to pilfer large amounts of cash sense. A heist in the robbery sense. I was robbed. Clean in front of me. I intentionally gave the cashier extra money so that I would get a clean dollar back. Such a practice serves society best by saving time.

This cashier didn't care about time. He only cared about money. My money. He gave me my dollar back alright. Minus five cents. You can imagine my horror - the guy was trying to steal from me in front of my very eyes!

The more I think about it, the more I figure that it was a heist in the team-oriented pre-planned sense. Because without missing a beat, the manager came out and interrupted the righteous anger I was directing towards the inept cashier. The next thing I knew, Sensible (the dollar sign mascot ValuSave employs) grabbed me and threw me out the front door.

I had half a mind to go back in and give them the ol' what-for, but my circumstances held me from it. I cursed the ValuSave, hoping that it be consumed by the hellish flames that it was so well suited for (without anyone getting hurt, but bad enough so that they would all learn their lesson).

I walked away from that ValuSave into a bright future. With the bag of orange delicious in my hand, I knew that I would soon be walking the golden streets of the celestial land I so desperately dreamed of. A land where I could surf forever, live in peace and never have to see another ValuSave again.