The Paradox of People...

...I need them, yet I can't stand them.

I got the promotion, and Ferdu and his cronies are pissed off. It's sick how similar my life is now to the life I left behind. I have friends - I always have. That's not the problem. But the level of my friendship is what drives me crazy.

My best friend here is Stacy, or at least, she was. From the beginning, I knew that she was out for more than just friendship. I hoped to try and send off the right signals, but for a girl like her, even talking to her is a sign of romantic interest. She sat me down last night and said she had something to tell me. Of course, it was a confession of feelings. I couldn't reciprocate them, as much as I may have tried to force myself to, and that was that. She says that it's totally cool and that we can still be friends, but I see through that. This sort of thing has lost me another friend.

But that's not the thing that bugs me the most. What gets me is that she liked me. Probably from the very start. She didn't even know me; she doesn't even know me now. I hate when people scratch at my surface and assume to know everything about me. That's what bugs me about Stacy being into me. She cheapened me.

There are more people here than Ferdu and his cronies. I've named the armchair philosopher (who is a hack). I was hoping that some of these other people would be able to relate to me. I figured that maybe I could make a friend to travel with. Nope. There's one guy who seemed pretty cool, but it just seems like we can't get past the shallow. I crave depth, and I can't find it anywhere.

Maybe I'm just asking for too much. Maybe depth of relationship is something that nobody feels. Maybe I'm not giving it enough time. Maybe everyone feels as frustrated as me. I want to self-disclosure on a level I have not yet experienced.

I always seem to get recognition from authority figures. I can impress them for some reason. And in time, I impress my peers. But I have few friends. And sometimes, it seems as if I have none. My boss likes me though. That's gotta count for something.

Maybe that jerk at the ValuSave was just reaching out to me.

I Need People...

...at least for now.

My weekend away was good. While I was pondering on how happy I was to be away from people, I stumbled on the realization that I need people. Because without people, I don't have a job. Without that job, I don't have money. Without money, I starve.

That's not to say that people are only good for money. Stacy made me cookies when I came back. I knew that it was in an attempt to woo me, but I decided to overlook that and eat them anyway. It was a good decision indeed.

As soon as I got back to work, the drama started. It turns out that on of my supervisors likes my work ethic and is recommending me for a promotion. I must say that I'm somewhat surprised - I guess things just happen quicker in New Zealand. I've just been doing my job as well as I can and apparently that's been enough. That's not the drama part though.

The drama is that Ferdu has been vying for this position for some time. Or at least that's what Stacy tells me. And yes, his name is actually Ferdu. He's one of the surfer jocks. He says that his name means "ferocious lion-eater" in the language of his ancestors. I asked him what his heritage is, but for some reason, he couldn't tell me. And if you ever saw him, you'd see he's whiter than me. Which is funny, since I'm really white. I swear he made the name up.

Ferdu even threatened me about it. As he was doing so, he even referred to himself in the third person. It was extra intimidating that way. Almost enough to make me want to refuse the position if it's offered to me. I won't though. It will give me more money, which will mean I can leave this dump sooner. And it will rip Ferdu's gitch. That'll be the best part. Ferdu isn't the man, but he desperately wants to be. And sticking it to him will sort of be like sticking it to the man.

I spoke with hot girl today. I've done well to not learn her name so far, but I'm not sure how long it will last. It was really awkward when I had to keep referring to her as "you". She seemed nice, but they always do. Until you learn their names. That's why I'm not going to be learning her name.

Maybe I should refer Ferdu to a job at ValuSave. They're all his kind there.

I'm A Little Disillusioned Right Now...

...and in order to prevent more of it, I'm staying away from people.

The main reason I wanted to come here was to get away from the people. I didn't fool myself into thinking that people over here (or, what I thought was Australia) were any better than those back home. However, I hoped they would be better. Of course, I was wrong.

And unfortunately, life demands that I keep coming in contact with people. This senseless job at the resort has me stuck around the same bunch of wannabes that I so desperately want to get away from. I won't go into details - what's the point? It's the same thing I've been so frustrated with time and time again. Even the armchair philosophers are kidding themselves. All people my age buy into the very things they say they hate. Their hypocrisy is as astounding as it is disgusting.

I would type out the situation, but an exotic plan cursed my hands with a rash that makes even this entry painful. But you know what? At least the rash will go away. The people won't.

And I thought the ValuSave was bad.

I Feel Like I'm On Reality TV...

...only there is no chance to win a million dollars.

The place Stacy took me to is awesome. It's a really nice resort on one of the beaches here. It turns out that the resort is willing to hire transient young adults like myself in exchange for food and shelter. That, coupled with the fact that the shelter is in the resort, and the food is food from the resort, means that I've stumbled across a pretty sweet deal.

I get up fairly early every morning and work till the early afternoon. The rest of my day is dedicated to surfing. There are some other guys who work at the resort that surf as well. After going with them once, I've been wracking my brain for excuses to never go with them again. It's not that they are bad surfers, it's just that they don't really care about surfing. My love for the sport is the sport itself. Theirs is to be surfers, not to surf. And I'm not saying they don't love surfing. But their love for it isn't as pure as I think it is in me.

That's why I try to go off on my own as much as I can. For me, surfing is about more than a thrill or a cool thing to do. It's about the solitude I find amongst the chaos of the waves. That's the real reason I came to New Zealand (which is different than Australia). Surfing is just a medium for that.

Unfortunately, I do have to spend some time with people. And to make things even more "Reality TV", they have all of us transient young adults living in a common building. There's about twenty of us, which is nineteen too many. Last night, I tried to go out onto the beach and sit around the nightly bonfire us staff have. There was only one other person around it, and I hoped that if I sat down, he wouldn't start talking to me.

He did. It wasn't just small talk, either. His name was Pat, and he was your stereotypical bonfire philosopher. He has straggly long hair, an ugly beanie and a gross beard. Oh, and he plays the acoustic guitar incessantly - that should have been a tip-off. He started saying something about corruption within the institution we work at. That always puts me in an awkward situation, because I know if I disagree, he'll just carry it into a useless argument. Conversely, if I agree, he'll think I actually like his moronic musings and keep going.

Luckily, Stacy came out and sat with us. I figured this would happen, since she has been following me since I got here. I believe our relationship has developed into the same one I have with so many girls. I always delude myself into thinking that it's as platonic for them as it is for me, but, as always, I'm wrong. Maybe I should try to set her up with one of the surfer jocks. Naw, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Speaking of the jocks, they came out next following the two hot girls. It's actually only one hot girl and a significant less good-looking friend who nevertheless tries harder to beautiful than her prettier counterpart. I don't know the girls' names, and experience has taught me I'm better off not knowing them. The presence of all these "gorgeous" people and their trivial discussions drove me to head back inside. Stacy wanted to come with me, but I told her I was going to sleep.

All this is to say that I'm planning my getaway already. It may be more than a month before I get out of here. I'm going to try and spend as much of that time as I can in the ocean.

Sometimes I still yell curses at the night sky in the direction of the ValuSave.

So I Made a Minor Miscalculation...

...but that does not mean I'm going to let the dream die.

I met a girl on the plane. Her name is Stacy. She's from New Zealand. There's a problem with that though. Not that she is from New Zealand, but about New Zealand itself. Turns out that, contrary to my previous expectations, New Zealand is not a city in Australia, but a different country altogether. I should have figured that "the man" would try to stick it to me somehow, but I didn't expect it so soon. It just motivates me though - to continue with what I do best. Sticking it to him in return; sticking it to "the man".

Stacy tells me that New Zealand is really close to Australia. I guess that's not so bad. Apparently they have decent surfing there as well. And Stacy tells me that she knows a place I can stay. All I have to do is work in a small restaurant for a few hours a day, and my food and shelter will be taken care of. I'm a little adverse to working, to be honest. Work is an institution crafted by "the man", and by buying into that institution, I'm not really sticking it to anyone at all. In time, though. In time.

Aside from that, Stacy's suggestion sounds like a good one - for a little while. I think she's into me though, and is using this as an excuse to keep me around. Sooner or later things will get awkward, but I'll be long gone by then. The job will just be enough to set me up for what I need to do - spend every waking moment surfing, and by doing so, sticking it to "the man".

I asked Stacy if they have any ValuSaves in New Zealand. She said she didn't think so.

Eat that, ValuSave. You're just a corporation of "the man".